The Forest

GROVER NORQUIST JAILED!!

Grover Norquist, a prominent Washington lobbyist, was arrested by federal agents early this morning and held without bail on 938 counts of coercion and conspiracy, citing, among many Class C and D felonies, title 18 of the United States Code, which prohibits threats to impede the actions of government employees.

According to federal prosecutors, who requested a long and not very nice incarceration for Mr. Norquist, his coercion of congressmen to sign his controversial Taxpayer Protection Pledge was intended to unduly restrict them in unbiased consideration of affairs of state.

"I believe this is the appropriate action," former presidential candidate Mitt Romney commented. "I wanted to get rid of that bird, why shouldn't I want to see his pal Grover locked away."

“Seems like a no-brainer,” said a doorman at a prominent Park Avenue building.  “You can whine at your congressman and try to get him voted out. But this whack nut said if you don’t do what I tell you, I’ll set the hounds on your butt.”

“Worse than the unions,” stated a one percenter leaving the building.  "The guy says: The hell with the bosses. Sign up with me or we'll run you out of town.”

“I didn’t vote for the man,” squawked a senior citizen waving her umbrella.  “If he wants to take away Medicare let him make a joke of himself in the primaries just like everyone else.”

“Duh,” said a middle school student passing by. “You get elected, you make your pledge to the American people, not some other dude. Even I get that.”