Special Christmas Cartoon Issue!!

Bad Day at the North Pole

De-criminalized Elves

"Henry still insist on using his homemade lights."

"Something not made in China?

You might try the food court."

 "My own TV controller. How sweet."

 And Introducing:
Adventures of Ralphie Couch

CHENEY NO LONGER SEEKS JOB AS SECRETARY OF STATE!!
SOMEWHERE IN IDAHO

December 14, 2012

BY: LIENO TIPE

In a hastily called press conference at 1:35 a.m. this morning, former Vice President Richard Cheney informed a group of puzzled reporters that he would decline the position as Secretary of State if offered to him.

“What I did bears not even the slightest comparison to that girl Rice’s actions,” said Mr. Cheney, referring to Susan E. Rice, who today removed herself from consideration for the position after considerable pressure from Republicans. “She used intelligence provided to her by the C.I.A.  I made up my own intelligence.”

Many have considered the recent attacks on Ms. Rice to be hypocritical, given the Bush administration’s dicey nomination of Condoleezza Rice for the same position in the shadow of whopping disinformation leading up to the Iraq war.

“Heresy has its toll,” said Mr. Cheney, who is rumored to have recently “found his way to the Lord.”  “I ran the country for eight years. So I thought I was clearly the best candidate for Secretary of State, but now it’s the end of days.”

The idea that the former Vice President thought he was in the running for the nation’s top international relations job caught many by surprise.

 “We appreciate Dick reaching out,” a spokeswoman for the Obama administration said. “Kind of bizarre.”

A top caretaker stated that Mr. Cheney has seemed confused lately, looking for weapons of mass destruction under his porch and attempting to shoot birds off telephone wires with a kitchen mop.

Senator John McCain, who led the recent charge against Susan Rice, was unavailable for comment.

SCHOOLS ELIMINATE HISTORY DEPARTMENTS!!

SOMEWHERE IN TENNESSEE

DECEMBER 6, 2012

BY: LIENO TIPE

Public schools in politically Red States announced this morning that they will no longer teach history. The announcement comes as Congressional Republicans deny that President Obama has a mandate to raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans, simply because he campaigned - and won - on that promise.

"We're following the example of the great leaders in America today,"
said a prominent Red State educator. “It's obvious that history no longer matters, so we've replaced it with advanced accounting.”

Republican Congressmen were modestly flattered.

“We believe ignoring history, recent or otherwise, is a sound strategy,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “It’s as though no one ever supported this bad idea of job-killing tax increases.”

“If we don’t bother with history, we can even forget that rich people ever paid taxes,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said.

When things that actually happened don’t really count, Congress’ attempts to avoid the fiscal cliff take on new meaning.  “Now gridlock is good,” said former presidential candidate Mitt Romney.  “With the past no longer an issue, we can work harder on denying the future.”

Representative Paul Ryan added further insight: “We were going to obstruct anyway,” he said. “But now the lack of history is on our side.”