ALL THE PRESIDENT’S
LADIES
Mike “Micky Pompadour" Pompeo. Ever since this “Sexy-tary" of State was cornered into admitting being on our ultimate phone-man's “Perfect Call” with Ukraine’s president, she has ably turned in a full array of performances, from throwing out a troublesome inspector general to tossing foolishly dedicated diplomats under the bus. Regrettably, not much of a "looker." Unless you count looking like you've been caught with your paw in the cookie jar.
William “Willing
Willa” Barr. When our eager-to-please Attorney General dutifully dissembled regarding the long awaited Mueller Report, she was just building up her head of steam. In a quest to identify the deep state conspirators who wanted the darned investigation in the first place, she’s currently relishing multiple probes of the very organization she’s purportedly heading. Particularly adept at justifying unleashing masked federal performers on peaceful protests. Way to go, Willy!
Mike “Penny” Pence. When it’s time to carry water for our Commandant in Chief, no matter the mission, you can always “Count on the Penny." Able to spin the most odious offal into sweet innocence. Overly concerned about a godless White House? No worries. This winsome Veep has got you covered with daily prayers!
“B*tch” McConnell. Generally just mopes around but, when ridden hard enough, this moody Majority Matron can faithfully, if begrudgingly, cook up just about any kind of stinking mess. Not allowed in the parlor.
Shauna Hannity. Count on this willing mouthpiece to spout the nonsense of the day to her adoring fans and bend over backwards to provide our Perfect Prez all the airtime he requires for even his most bizarre fantasies. Enough hot air to keep the notorious DT's boundless balloon endlessly inflated.
Jared “Jeri Freeze” Kushner. The original Ice Queen. Closest to the King. Or perhaps not. Keeps even the most intimate insiders guessing about what she might do next, or can do at all for that matter. At least married well. Or, perhaps not.
