The Forest

GINGRICH DELIVERS INAUGURATION SPEECH BY MISTAKE!!

WASHINGTON,  D.C.

JANUARY 22, 2013
By: LIENO TIPE

Speaking on a cable television network very early this morning, Newt Gingrich unexpectedly delivered what appeared to be an inauguration speech. Hosts of the overnight Fox News program were taken off guard when the former House Speaker launched into the lengthy delivery.

 

“It wasn’t included in our talking points,” said a network spokesman. “We had planned to afford Newt his usual chance to expound on whatever he wants, and then he suddenly was off and running with this.”

Some political analysts conjecture that Mr. Gingrich grew to believe he would be the next president because Fox News continues to give him unprecedented coverage. “Perhaps his confusion is understandable,” said one expert.  “They keep bringing him on, in spite of the fact that even voters in his own party rejected him.  I have to admit I’m confused.”

“We can certainly, as usual, blame the media,” said Mr. Gingrich’s third wife Callista. “But let’s not let the Democrats off the hook. Not one of them stepped up to remind my husband that he really has no say in anything now.”

In the course of his windy spiel, Mr. Gingrich outlined his vision for the future, which includes the elimination of Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and most funding for education and the arts, offset by construction of a thirty foot concrete wall at the Mexican border and a re-examination of our nation’s nuclear capability.

Reaction from the White House was limited.  According to a spokesperson, President Obama was "tied up running the country, in case you haven't heard"  First Lady Michelle Obama was occupied returning fourteen of the fifteen designer dresses prepared for her appearance at inauguration balls.

Former presidential runner Mitt Romney at first lauded Mr. Gingrich’s plucky attempt to claim entry to the Oval Office, but very soon reversed course.  “A nice try,” Mr. Romney stated, “But like 47 percent of our country, it’s just not going to work."