The Forest

SHORT LIST OF REPUBLICAN CONVENTION SPEAKERS

Just in from the Presumptive Nominee:

Newt Gingrich

Maybe our VP.  Maybe not, we get to choose.  If you think the debates were awesome, just wait.

Ted Cruz

Hasn't endorsed yet, but what a fighter! As long as there's no lyin'.

Rush Limbaugh

A media mastermind. Not as good as a proven winner we all know, of course, but who is? And, oh boy, can this guy talk. Fantastic!

Bernie Madoff

A financial wizard. Knows how to get billions. First hand experience with government interference in business. Our kind of guy.

Manuel Noriega

Who says we don't like Mexicans? Even when they're from Panama. Victim of free trade and government persecution. We're going to end all that.

Clarence Thomas

Hey, there's our black guy.

Benjamin Netanyahu 

Strong on immigration. Strong on Muslim terrorism. We'll talk, we'll deal, he'll be on our side in no time. Huge.

Vladimir Putin

Proves we're not afraid of him.

Hillary Clinton 

Why not? We'll shout her down. Throw cabbages and stuff.  She'll see.

Who Knows?

Keep them guessing. That's what winners do.