The Forest

SCHOOLS ELIMINATE HISTORY DEPARTMENTS!!

SOMEWHERE IN TENNESSEE

DECEMBER 6, 2012

BY: LIENO TIPE

Public schools in politically Red States announced this morning that they will no longer teach history. The announcement comes as Congressional Republicans deny that President Obama has a mandate to raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans, simply because he campaigned - and won - on that promise.

"We're following the example of the great leaders in America today,"
said a prominent Red State educator. “It's obvious that history no longer matters, so we've replaced it with advanced accounting.”

Republican Congressmen were modestly flattered.

“We believe ignoring history, recent or otherwise, is a sound strategy,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “It’s as though no one ever supported this bad idea of job-killing tax increases.”

“If we don’t bother with history, we can even forget that rich people ever paid taxes,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said.

When things that actually happened don’t really count, Congress’ attempts to avoid the fiscal cliff take on new meaning.  “Now gridlock is good,” said former presidential candidate Mitt Romney.  “With the past no longer an issue, we can work harder on denying the future.”

Representative Paul Ryan added further insight: “We were going to obstruct anyway,” he said. “But now the lack of history is on our side.”