Donald J. Trump Law Bar Examination Practice Test
As
anyone knows, the establishment of a Donald J. Trump School of Law has been long fated to
come to fruition. Through our highly skilled pilfering, The Forest has
obtained a copy of a preparatory law bar examination sample test used at this
prestigious institution. We share a
brief excerpt here.
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1. Party A enters into a Contract to pay party B for
services rendered. Party B performs the
services in accordance with all terms of the Contract. Under what circumstances is Party A not
obligated to fulfill its terms?
A.
None. Party A is obligated.
B. Party A believes they have already paid enough.
C. Party A decides someone else should really pay.
D. Party A considers Party B’s services to be “fake.”
Answer: Anything but A. A lot of really good lawyers have said so.
2. Party B in the above instance seeks remedy through the
courts. What would be Party A’s best options? (Select all that apply.)
A. Hire a licensed attorney to negotiate a settlement.
B. Hire a licensed attorney to litigate in court.
C. Enter binding arbitration.
D. Say bad things about Party B in front of a crowd of
your choice.
Answer: D. Need to be strong.
3. You are accused of a crime by a legal authority. What
are your best options? (Select any you’re sure apply.)
A. Hire an attorney licensed in the state of jurisdiction
to represent you.
B. Say bad things about the legal authority in all media
sympathetic to you.
C. Deny committing the crime, repeatedly with increasing
vehemence.
D. Proclaim that the crime you deny committing shouldn’t
really be a crime.
Answer(s): B, C, D and probably some other things.
4. A party you insist is unsavory seeks to be released
from a contract with you in which you are not specifically named and which you
have not signed. What is your best option?
A. Hire a licensed attorney to clarify all implications of the contract and a pursue a reasonable agreement as warranted.
B. Deny any knowledge of, or being a party to, the
contract.
C. Threaten to sue the unsavory party for violation of the
contract of which you have no knowledge and to which you are not a party.
D. Make your attorney pay, without recourse to you, all
monies due under the contract you still claim you had nothing to do with.
Answer: Anything but A.
A is weak.
5. You are the Attorney General in a politically conservative state. A woman
obtains medical treatment that you believe is improper. What is the first
step you take?
A. Request an opinion from staff counsel if her action is,
in fact of law, illegal.
B. Have her arrested.
C. Have her arrested, while finding a prosecutor who
agrees with you.
D. Have her arrested and find a prosecutor who agrees with
you, while repeatedly, and with increasing vehemence, denigrating your state’s
court system.
Answer: Once again, anything but A. Do we have to repeat ourselves??
6. The circumstances outlined in question 5 occur in a very liberal leaning state. What is the first
step you take?
A. Consult staff counsel regarding if her action is, in
fact of law, illegal.
B. Blame the state law enforcement agencies for not having
immediately arrested her.
C. Blame the state legislature for encouraging lawlessness
by passing weak laws.
D. Accuse the Governor, a liberal, of several unrelated
crimes.
Answer: This one’s easy. D, unless you also need to use
B&C.
7. You lead a government deeply in debt and require funds
to continue running it. A family member offers, for a high percentage
commission, to persuade private foreign investors to loan the funds at usurious
rates with all current or potential revenue bearing national assets as
collateral. What steps do you take?
A. Consult with appropriate, authorized government counsel and seek outside expertise as relevant.
B. Give your family member responsibility for most of the government.
C. Require said investors to partner with an offshore
entity controlled by you (but not your family member) to build hotel, condo and casino complexes in their
countries with zero cash outlay from you.
D. Refuse to release your tax returns.
Answer: We’ve been told that you can do whatever
you want. A lot of experts agree. Very qualified experts.
8. You are the leader of a country that is signatory to an international
agreement outlawing piracy on the High Seas. A member of your family is seized
while siphoning oil from a tanker. What is your legal recourse?
A. Advise your family member to, acting as a private
citizen, retain legal counsel duly authorized by any and all signatory
countries.
B. Unilaterally withdraw from the agreement.
C. Ask a leader with near dictatorial powers in a country
not signatory to the agreement to quickly and forcefully intervene in return
for consideration to be determined.
D. Seize the assets of the country where your family
member is in jail.
Answer: C might preferable. It could help our foreign
policy, which has been a disaster.
9. 128 women allege that you, several of your past
business partners, and all of your lawyers engaged them in improper,
non-consensual groping and other sexual assault. What action(s) do you take?
A. Hire a new licensed attorney without conflict of interest in the matter to represent
you in any criminal or civil actions and defer to him for all discussion and questions.
B. Imply that the women, except any blaming you, have a
right to be heard and then lavish praise on all your (former) partners and lawyers who have not yet been granted immunity.
C. Rant with sharp sarcasm in front an audience sufficiently duped to believe anything you say that the women involved are very
unattractive.
D. Demand that all the said women, to prove they are not
conniving opportunists, release their tax returns.
Answer: Doesn’t matter. Just take a
mulligan.
10. A woman steps into the street and is run over by a truck. You own and were
driving the truck. What are your obligations to the woman?
A. None. She was not in a crosswalk, you’ve been told.
B. None. A lot of people get run over by trucks. Everybody
knows that.
C. None. The woman wasn’t really run over, by you or your
truck.
Answer: All of the above. Believe me.
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To enroll in the distinguished, and some time to be
accredited Trump School of Law, draw a certified check for $500,000, or
whatever amount you can raise. Don’t forget, the founder and sole owner of the
School (Donald J. Trump) has made your stock value double!! Remit to:
Donald J. Trump School of Law and Excuses
PO Box 1,000,000,000
Suitcase, Nebraska
10001-0001
The Forest offers no assurance of the verity of any legal expertise
contained herein, endorsement of the Donald J. Trump School of Law, or
implication of it's actual existence once your check has been cashed.
